In bowling, when you get three strikes in a row, that crazy turky silhouette always shows up on the screen. At least, I think it does. I've never gotten three strikes in a row because I'm too uncoordinated, and I haven't gone bowling all that often.
Regardless, this is the third year in a row that The Daily Bull has not been entertaining you with the best of the worst satire available. And, dammit, we're going to do it again for another year, so it's only fitting that the infamous line, "It's turkey time," from the cinematic turkey Gigli be this year's slogan.
In fact, we've been coming up with so many ways to not entertain you in 2004 that we hardly had any time to add new content in 2003! There were only 14 new articles and a few new movie reviews in the past twelve months.
Okay, I lied.
All right, so that's not entirely true. University is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen to someone who intends to have a large website where women post topless pictures of themselves. It's also not a good idea to start getting interested in other projects that will consume all the spare time you have.
Motivation also has something to do with it, too. Depression isn't good for motivation, especially when all you want to do is sit around, sleep or feel sorry for yourself. Of course, it also doesn't help to exacerbate unhappy situations. For example, you know those therapy letters where you write down all your problems and whine a lot? Never send them. Ever. Nothing good comes of it.
Is it also my fault that Heli Attack 2 is so addictive?
Fortunately, university won't be as much of a factor in the near future. Having passed the second-year hurdle, I've landed myself a pretty cool job through the co-op program in my faculty, which means much less homework. Less homework means more time to spend on hobbies. More time on hobbies means more not-really-entertaining, unfunny updates!
So many ideas, so many other things to do.
I have a big list of ideas for articles. Some of them are entertaining. Most are not. Many of them, well... let's just say that I have no idea why I thought they would be funny at the time. I've got a few article and movie review submissions backlogged because it's been so long that I've forgotten how to use the article posting script that I created for myself.
Some of you are probably not wondering why Old Uncle Jeb hasn't answered a question in over a year. It's not for lack of questions; surprisingly, even with the 200%% drop in traffic we've experienced this year, we still get a fair number of questions sent in. We decided to turn this one over to Jeb for explanation:
"So you fuckers want to know why I haven't behooved myself to to unwrap my fingers from your dad's cock and use them to type a response to some of your questions? Here's why: THEY SUCK. Why the hell should I waste my valuable drinking time to answer something as gay as 'wut r teh mexico's best freinds?'
You want answers, stop asking bullshit."
So, uh, yeah. There you have it. Stop sending gay questions and Jeb might answer them. Of course, he has a very strange concept of what constitutes a gay question, so you never know. Just keep sending them as usual and maybe he'll pick a few.
If anyone has ever bothered to read our disclaimer, you'll notice that we warn you to not eat the contents of this website. We would like to reiterate this fact at this time, since we have purposely exposed The Daily Bull to Mad Cow Disease in hopes that the brain deterioration will come up with more updates.
Remember, visiting the site will not expose you to any risk, however eating the site will make all the kids in your class look at you funny, and probably guarantee you at least one trip down to the school's counsellor.
Hopefully, with some extra spare time and some motivation, more non-funny updates will be appearing than ever have before. At least, it'll give you something to talk about when debating how good The Onion is.
Now, if you'll excuse me, video games are calling...