WINNIPEG, MB - Grocery store stockboy Jeff Reinert told friends late Thursday that he wished that the stud image he has developed over the last three years at Big Bob's MegaFood would translate to girls his own age.
"Why can't hot girls show as much interest in me as these old ladies do?" he complained. "I mean, some of these women are older than my own grandmother, and she's pretty old."
Reinert, 19, related several instances where female senior citizens have expressed sexual desire towards him. These situations range from having his buttocks patted, being groped on the arm and an incident involving a stick of butter and the top shelf of the dairy department. Girls his own age, however, usually remain silent the whole time they are around him.
"I'll say hello to these really hot chicks as I'm ringing their stuff through the cash register," he said, "but they'll just stand there and talk to each other and just hand me the money. My luck's not much better outside of work, either."
"We have a small movie rental section," Reinhart told friends, "and so I was straightening out the shelves when this lady walks up to me and asks if we rented any of those 'skin movies.' She sounded kind of disapproving, so I assured her that we didn't have any pornography in our collection."
Reinhart stated that the old woman proceeded to tell him about a trip to the lake ten years ago that she took with her family. They had rented movies to watch on rainy days and the video store clerk had accidentally given them a XXX-rated movie in addition to the Disney cartoons.
"Then she told me that, while she thought the movie was very interesting, why did she need to watch that when she could do all of it herself?" said Reinhart. "I just looked at her for a minute, and then it dawned on me that ten years ago this woman would have still been in her 70's."
"I couldn't get a boner for days," he added. "Why did she have to tell me that? The most intimate thing that a girl my own age has ever told me was that she never slept with her ex!"
Reinhart has had his hopes dashed by old women occassionally, as well. "There have been a few times that old ladies have said they wished I was the kind of guy that their grand-daughters would be going out with," he said. "I've waited for days for them to come in with with these girls, but it never happens."
"We get cougars in here sometimes," Reinhart said. "They mostly keep to themselves, but I've noticed a couple of them watching me as I bend over to stock the jam shelf. Some have also commented that my apron looks really nice on me, too."
Reinhart's ability to attract women in their golden years hasn't escaped the notice of old men, either. "I've had old guys ask me what my secret is, as if I'm deliberately trying to get these women to like me," he explained.
Reinhart elaborated on the comments one old man made after a groping incident. "He told me that I was a lucky man, and that [the old lady] was a real looker," Reinhart said, shuddering. "Then he told me about how she was the oldest of a family of six sisters, and that every guy in the neighbourhood had been competing for any one of them."
"I just thought to myself, yeah, in the Thirties," he added, dejectedly.